Love, kindness and connection
Who do you love? Who loves you? Who are the people (yes and fur babies!) that mean the most to you and that you share caring relationships with? How do we express love? There are differences in the dimensions and expressions of love for our romantic partners, our friends and family. In some senses we may regard our expression of love as more kindness and caring behaviours. However, we think about and express our love for others, the important thing to recognise is that love, relationships, and connections to others are of fundamental importance to everyone and a significant contributor to wellbeing. In fact, love is consistently “one of the five strengths most associated with life satisfaction and happiness (Niemec, 2018, Ch.6)” ensuing its place in our first five strengths series blogs.
Character strengths are those characteristics that are universally regarded as reflecting the best qualities that human beings can have (Niemec, 2018). When regarded as a character strength, love “refers to the degree to which you value close relationships with people and contribute to that closeness in a warm and genuine way”; and it is also “reciprocal, referring to both loving others and the willingness to accept love from others (Niemec & McGrath, 2019, p.131)”. Love supports our capacity for forgiveness and empathy therefore supporting our capacity for improved communication and connection with others and resulting in more secure relationships (Niemec & McGrath, 2019). Further, when we look beyond who we already like or love extend loving kindness and compassion to others we contribute to a kinder world. When we can turn this loving kindness inwards, we can develop self-compassion, perhaps forgive for ourselves and heal any traumas. Love for our self and others makes space for acceptance, growth, compassion, kindness and optimal wellbeing for everyone.
Belonging is one of the most basic human needs (Baumeister & Leary, 1995); and to love and be loved, is to belong. Anyone who has ever loved and lost someone can attest that love is important. Whether romantic love, mature love; love of a child; love of your family and friends; love of a pet; or even spiritual or religious love; all love is important for our wellbeing. Each of these types of love involve the reciprocation of care, attention, affection, acceptance, empathy and sometimes forgiveness. The opportunity to be seen in your entirety, to be known for everything you are and still be appreciated, valued, loved and maybe even adored, is fundamentally important. The enduring nature of uncompromising love adds tremendous value and richness to our lives. It is why we seek other people and try to ‘find our tribe’ so that we too belong. So, those questions again; who do you love? Who loves you? Are you fortunate and can easily answer? Do you feel you express love enough; are you reciprocating care, love and attention with others? It is true that when reflecting on life we often hear that people focus on those people closest to them in their life; not their accomplishments or their wealth. The legacy is in whose life they have shared. Love, and being loved is the one true happiness in life, and the one that when all else falls away will provide comfort, shelter and belonging. Spend some time on love; it is the best investment you can make.
Here’s to you moving beyond.
Claire x
P.S. Want to feel the love? Try this!
Loving Kindness Meditation
- Choose a time when you can be uninterrupted for 15 minutes.
- Note your thoughts and feelings prior to doing the meditation.
- Sit comfortably, ideally upright with feet flat on the floor; or on the floor with your legs crossed. You want to be in a relaxed posture that will allow you to breathe deeply and relax without falling asleep.
- Play the Loving Kindness Meditation, giving your full attention to the meditation.
- After completing the meditation, observe your thoughts and feelings. Do you feel different? How? What have you learned through this experience? Do you think is was beneficial for you?
Positive habit | Where will you schedule time quiet your mind and cultivate compassion for yourself and others?
This intervention from Wise Mind Body Loving Kindness Meditation with Josh Wise
References
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin. 117(3): 497-529. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.117.3.497
Niemec, R., M. (2018). Character Strengths interventions. A field guide for practitioners. Canada: Hogrefe.
Niemec, R., M. & McGrath, R., E. (2019). The power of character strengths. Appreciate and ignite your positive personality. VIA Institute on Character: United States of America.
baseline & beyond 